Finding an equilibrium in life is to me the most difficult thing and till this day I’ve not figured out how to achieve that. However, I’ve found something that helps me gain some sort of balance. The yin and yang, the balance of the mind, body and spirit. It may sound like a load of crap but it helps me find some kind of inner peace. Every night now, I make sure I have about an hour to myself, I burn a tea light and allow the diffusion of essential oils which help the body relax. I’ve also started going to the gym, doing classes like yoga and other cardio workouts. Though I haven’t lost weight and it is quite demoralizing, I’ve come to realize that my energy level is slowly rising.
In life, there must always be an equilibrium, a time to work and a time to rejuvenate. It doesn’t have to be something big or expensive like going to the spa or vacationing at a resort but things like spending an hour each day to yourself for reflection and relaxation can help a whole lot. To be honest, I’ve never really believed in such things but now I actually feel it working and I can literally feel a kind of peace engulfing my entire mind and body each time I do my zen hour. Like right now as I’m typing this, I’m listening to zen music and I have my pine needle essential oil burning on my right. My entire room smells like a spa right now, the only thing missing is my very own masseuse.
It’s been a week since I started work and I still don’t know how much time this new job will take. I do hope that I’ll have the time to go to the gym and have my zen hour everyday. My previous job didn’t allow me that luxury to do these necessary activities. I do admit that I miss my previous job and I love the creative line but it took all of me. With everything, there’re pros and cons. This job is rather rigid and I honestly don’t know if I’ll take to it but it has come to this so I’ll just go with it and see where it takes me.
The new house seems to be doing well and I’m glad, it feels more like home than it did a month ago. Finally everything is settling and I have some financial breathing space. I hope this new outlook in life carries me far.
Begin to live in the moment and you won’t meet disappointments. It’s not that I have lost complete hope rather it’s about being in the moment and just basically riding the wave. I’ve been through disappointments after disappointments. When you have expectations for a certain something, that’s when shit usually happens. I’ve made a choice to live as it comes. Honestly, I don’t know if it’s going to work in the long haul but I guess that primarily runs on faith if you think about it - knowing that a divine power has a plan for you.
I’m on to my fourth day and the bomb hasn’t been dropped on me yet so I suppose this is my honeymoon period before the whirlwind of chaos. My friends keep asking me how it is and I honestly have absolutely no answer because it’s just too early to tell. Yes, I deal with technical and dry global issues but there’s definitely going to be a learning ground so I’ll just keep reminding myself of that.
The bed’s calling me now but I just feel a dire need to express certain thoughts. Perhaps this job encompasses more of what I love to do which is writing so I hope I perform beyond my own standards. If you were to ask me whether I enjoy the environment, I’m still not able to give you a definite concrete answer. It’s probably way too early to judge but I hope everything turns out right.
Sometimes I still think about what I used to do previously and to a certain extent miss it. It was probably the working relationships that I hold so dearly but we all have to move on and I should just get over it. There’s just no way for anyone else to understand because it was a rapport I built between my clients and I.
Ok, I’m going to crash now. We’ll just see where this takes me.
Been awhile since I last blogged, haven’t been having much inspiration lately. There have been some developments in my life though but I just didn’t feel like I needed to blog about it. So I’ve gotten a job and I start on Monday, I think this job or rather I hope this job is something I truly enjoy and is something I can learn from. I know I’ve said since the beginning of time that I wanted to write and actually make it my career but during this period of unemployment, I’ve had the time to think about what I exactly want. This job will require quite a great amount of copywriting for the collaterals which is something I would pretty much enjoy. This also means I have to get back to writing because I’m a little rusty now.
I’m pretty sure this is part of his plan because if it wasn’t I wouldn’t be starting work on Monday. It makes me a little bit nervous because writing has always something I thought I could excel in. Honestly, I still don’t know if I’m good enough for this but I can only hope and pray that there’ll be guidance and support.
He’s gotten me this far, I’m sure he’ll take me all the way. It’s been one hell of an experience these almost 25 years. Can you believe it?? It’s already march!!! Quarter-life crisis alert! Sometimes I look to the future and I think to myself, okay, it’s gonna be ok, my career’s gonna take flight and I’m going to be doing something great with myself but just sometimes it starts to look a little bleak. I guess it’s you know micromanagement vs macromanagement of life per se. There are times where you only see the situation and not what’s beyond that but once you’ve overcome it, you look back and realize hey it wasn’t that bad after all.
Without fail, I pray for direction everyday because I really don’t know where I’m headed to. It can get kind of depressing occasionally when you see people around you so sure of themselves, the decisions they make and their path. You see them going about their lives making a name for themselves and succeeding in whatever they are doing and then you take a closer look at your own life and realize you’re nowhere near success. Success is rather enigmatic to me right now. It’s never been just about the name or the money, success is more than that. I just need to figure out what that “more than that” means to me.
There are so many other things which I have to figure out too. From the things I hear people say about me, I think not many people really know me and I don’t bother to correct them or change the way they feel or think. It’s not that they’re thinking or speaking ill of me but I realize that even my family don’t really know things about me like my likes or dislikes. I don’t blame anybody because I don’t really talk to people much about my feelings or anything like that. The onus is on me, I know.
I’ve just been really protective over my heart and myself basically that I can’t even remember how to be vulnerable and unguarded. I don’t know how to. It kills me a little bit every now and then but I just don’t know. Nobody’s ever taught me how to, nobody has made me feel like it’s ok to not be strong.
Had the weirdest conversation with the coffee shop lady. Ran out of cigs so I headed to the closest coffee shop to get it and here it goes.
M: Hi, could I get a NEXT CHILL
C L: Icy (or at least that’s what I thought she meant)
M: No CHILL
C L: Icy
M: Noo err CHILL, ahhh ok yea ICEY
C L: Icy
*Look to my friend NEXT got icy meh? My friend looks puzzled as well…. so the aunty alters my entire knowledge of what I smoke and I think to myself, NEXT ICY meh?
C L: no I/C!! (gestures her hand and uses her fingers to form a rectangle)
M: Oh OH OOOHHHH! I/C, ok hang on.