I just got another pair of aviators. I’m going nuts with this, seriously. Not the exact pair I was looking for but it’s much closer heh. Tomorrow is Monday-not-funday again. I hate this feeling. Once dusk hits on Sunday, that heavy dark cloud hovers over you and everything feels so bleh. Pray it won’t be sucha crazy week. Last week was pure insanity. I honestly died by mid-week. Thankfully I had the weekend to myself, I really need days like these when I don’t have to think about work and all that. Time flies, I’m gonna hit two months in about a week’s time. It’s crazy really, you lose track of time here. I guess it’s a good thing because I don’t have time to stop and mope about the things I lack in life. You get back from work and you’re shagged out, all you wanna do is hit the shower and then sleep.
My muse is gonna be back tomorrow, well at least I think he is. I’m still thinking about my so-called plan. I need something to look forward to everyday. Some mornings when I wake up, I feel a fear lingering, a phobia of what’s coming my way. Yes, it’s that bad. Please, I really hope it gets better because I don’t think I can take much more of this. Arghhh… I think I need a holiday, where the sun, sand and sea meets the refreshing feeling of nothingness. OK.. I’m really in need of a break, even my mom agrees. This is the first time I’ve heard her say, yea you’ve been working so hard, you deserve a break. haha. I must be working my ass off, ok, i think i am.
Been doing a lot of thinking, I don’t know if I should just give this a shot and stay put. I had the intention of doing something else, somewhere else but I don’t know if I’m making the right decision. I guess if I really wanted to, I could find something else less tiring but I don’t know if I’ll be happy. I don’t know if I’m happy. It’s like there’s no time to feel, if you know what I mean. I guess if you’re in advertising, you’d know what I’m talking about. It’s really madness. I miss the times where I could hang with my friends, have coffee and late nights. Now, i’m always thinking about work, there’re always calls, emails, things to do for the next day. Sometimes, it overwhelms me and I don’t know if I’ll get better, if I’ll be able to manage this. Really.
I miss school. Ok, i’m doing a lot of reminiscing today. Nostalgia has entered the building. What if I don’t go anywhere from here. When I think about the future, I think about who I’d be, where I’d be and how I’d be. It’s a tugging feeling. It’s hard to describe. I realise I’ve kept so many things to myself ever since I’ve started working here. Sometimes I don’t feel that it’s healthy but I’ve got no choice. The corporate world is a bitch most of the time and being in a female dominated environment doesn’t make it better. I guess my lecturer was spot on. She warned me about the communications line, should have heeded. But then again, where would I be if not here. I think I’ve found my place in this line but I’m not sure if I’m at home. Maybe I’ll give it awhile, I’m suppose to go for an interview this coming week but I’ve yet to schedule. Oh well, we’ll see… in NEED of directions.
You don’t know how glad I am that this week is over. I really need a break, honestly. I don’t even have time to snack or have coffee at work. I’m leaving traces of me everywhere. I’m everywhere, I’m involved in every project, doing every damn thing. I really can’t handle this. The strangest thing is I think God wants me here. For some reason, God wants me here, I feel it really strongly. There are times when I think, I’m hallucinating but I really think he wants me here. Like really. If he does, he really has to get me through because I’m dying. I’m really dying. I’m involved in every damn thing.